It was confusing and full of hummus
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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