she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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