So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
