on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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