Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize