I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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