the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
