the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think people are normalizing furries
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
