yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
