it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
