So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
