Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
