I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
how can u be prego again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
