Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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