Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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