my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
