I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
