Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
