so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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