is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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