why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize