put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
