I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
