His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Boobs are out for the taking
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
