i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
