Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
