When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
