fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize