I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
