So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
