Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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