Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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