i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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