I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
