even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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