she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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