Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
