DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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