he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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