you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
