i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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