it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
