I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just gargled with NyQuil
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
