My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
