You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
