What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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