worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
