Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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