we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
