I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He kissed a someone with a penis
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
