Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we're making bets on your personal life
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
be right there i have to get my cape
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
