he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize