mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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