her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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