We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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