omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
