Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
