There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
