We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize