my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
