im drinking this country out of the recession.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
