I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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