I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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