every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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