and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize
