Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
